Day 1..

Tonight, my boyfriend and a few of my friends are all going to see Sucker Punch. So, that's going to fun.
I have one more block before school lets out-I'm a senior.
I'm waiting for lunch to let out; I usually spend lunch in the library. Too many people cram in that lunch room, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I think there's about 300 kids in there. It's ridicules.
I haven't had anything to eat today, aside from a few sips of skim milk. I'll probably have something small when I get home. I've learned from the years of dealing with this, if you eat something small..it's much better than eating nothing.
When you eat nothing for several days: you're more likely to pass out, more likely to crash and eat too much, and when you do crash and eat..you end up beating yourself up. So, I've noted that it's best to have at least one small thing to eat throughout the day. Honestly, it's getting harder and harder for me though. After getting out of my eating disorder the first time, I was able to eat around my friends. Even if it was just a little food, I was able to do it. Now, I can't even seem to put food in my mouth without getting panicky.
I'm back to counting calories, and I'm back to obsessing.
It's bittersweet, in a way. It's nice to be thin. You feel wonderful, you feel powerful, you feel like your day has gotten so much brighter. But it hurts. Your stomach is in cramps, it becomes the focus of your attention, and you're miserable. It's not a fun thing. There are times that I wish I could look like the other girls. Be attractive and eat like it's no big deal. Sometimes, I wish I could get back down to 78lbs, right now, then I'd be able to eat and feel perfect. Then, sometimes I just wish I could close my eyes and make all this crap disappear. - but it never does. It's still here.

Does anyone ever feel this way?